When Writer's Block Clock Blocks You
Updated: Oct 13, 2020
What is writer's block? Ask a psychologist. I'm here to tell you how to get rid of it. Here are 8 unproven methods:
1. Drink More
All the great writers drank alcohol heavily. Do you think it was for their health? No, they were trying to get rid of writer's block. Or possibly to forget a woman or man who potentially ruined his or her life. Or maybe it was out of sheer depression. But I'm sure there were some who drank for clarity so they could remove that damn clock block. I know I have. A nice glass of MaCallan 12 neat always does the trick for me. And then another. And then another. I get about 45 minutes of crystal clarity that removes that clock block and allows me to write freely. And then I pass out on the couch.
2. Drink Less
All the great writers drank alcohol heavily. Do you think it was for their health? Certainly not, as most of those writers died from alcohol. Or maybe suicide. Bottom line is, you're drinking too much and you need to slow down or you won't write shit.
3. Take a Cold Shower
You've been clock blocked and there's an enormous amount of frustration as a result. A cold shower removes the frustration and restores clarity. It's not pleasant. It's not meant to be. It's meant to jolt your whole body into a free state of thought so that you can move forward with your writing. Added benefit: also helps if you're sexually frustrated.
4. Have Sex
If you're not sexually frustrated and you can have sex, you should do so. Break up your writing time with an orgasm. The logical part of your brain shuts down during sex. You get a surge of dopamine that makes you feel great and motivated to do spectacular things. Or you just fall asleep and get nothing done. But don't let that happen. Instead, harness that lack of logic and jump right into writing, no questions asked. Writer's block is this internal debate in your head that you need to remove. Sex conquers all. At least 50% of the time. I have no data to back that up.
5. Smoke a Cigarette
It's also pleasant after sex, for some reason. Remember, I'm not here to tell you how to live healthy; I'm here to tell you how to get rid of writer's block. I can't tell you how many times I've been clock blocked writing--then I'd go out on the balcony and have 1 cigarette and before I even finished, I had a solution to the problem that got me stuck. This worked perfectly for me for years--until I developed high blood pressure and had to quit smoking. Yeah, not offering tips on health here...
6. Hit the Gym
Don't hit the gym. See my previous article: Author at the Gym.
7. Throw Skittles at People at the Mall (They Hate That)
While this is one of my favorite pastimes, it also relaxes me and helps me clear my head. You've got to be stealth though. Don't get caught. Don't do that. People do not like being pelted with Skittles at the mall. And if it's a mall I frequent, mall security is already going to be on high alert. Mall jail is the worst. Don't go there. This defeats your purpose. Do something exciting and get away with it. Doesn't have to be throwing Skittles--can be anything risky. Although, I'd stay away from exciting felony activities, as real jail is much, much worse than mall jail.
8. Quit Being an Author
I only say this because this really is the only guaranteed method to get rid of writer's block. Forever. Okay, I'll stop now.